Yesterday I listened to a podcast with Walker Thornton on http://lastfirstdate.com/lastfirstdate-radio/.
The program title is “Who Says 50 is Too Old for Sex”.
Walker and host Sandy Weiner spoke frankly, as you’d expect if you have read any of their material. Walker is “The Sex Diva” at http://www.walkerthornton.com.
If you are over 50 and want to read about dating and sex and great attitude then you might want to check out both Walker and Sandy.
What was a bit different from my normal painting routine yesterday was that I listened to the podcast while working on a painting. Normally I only listen to silence or to selected music while painting. But I was driven to finish this particular painting while also wanting to listen to the podcast. With limited hours again - days are too short! – I thought to multi-task.
It turned out to be just what I needed while creating the delicate branches of leafless trees in stark silhouette against a setting sun. The details can get overworked, yet they were a necessary ingredient to the result I was seeking. The background was already done, but still wet. If I made a gross mistake with the brush it would’ve been a huge mess to correct. I might even have cried.
Voila! Delicacy and simplicity happily came together.
My mind granted freedom to the hand holding the brush as I listened to the sex-related discussion.
Love it when things work out so well.
Painting is not always an easy task for me. I don’t just churn them out. I am drawn to paint – dream of my paintings – yet fear or uncertainty always hover. It is work. It is work I am driven to do. I want to do it as fully and successfully as I can, which is a great way to approach lovemaking too, seems to me.
Just so we’re clear on that.
At one point the “sexperts” discussed the benefits of self-pleasuring (known as masturbating in some circles).
You can listen to the podcast for full details, so let me just testify that those ladies are dishing out great information and advice.
I recall the freedom of finally taking responsibility for pleasuring myself. It happened later than sooner – I was aged 54 when I began my life as a single woman. Until then I thought I was relieved to be free of my former sexual obligation. No more sex for me – over and done. I was so mistaken.
At one point I became aware I was interested in a sexual relationship despite having bid it farewell a year earlier. I knew of no prospective partners so took myself to Good Vibrations on Polk Street, San Francisco.
What a great store! Now that I’ve moved away I still visit their online catalog from time to time. The staff reviews of the various products are informative and their instore staff is approachable and helpful. One of them took me under wing, listened and advised: I left the store with my own new vibrator.
A few hours later, I lit some candles, played some music and put the vibrator to the test. Perhaps out of sheer determination, I learned how to achieve a happy ending all by myself for the very first time. At long last. I happily practiced my new skills.
Of course I was heady with the power, once I figured things out. And of course I therefore became a better sex partner when I finally found the right one to share my new knowledge with. I knew I was sexually alive and I knew how to guide a partner to attain happy endings for both of us. Win-win. For the first time in my entire life!
That new found skill opened a whole new world to me. I liken it to after I’d received physical defense training to ensure I could handle myself against an attacker. After that training, I walked through the streets of rough San Francisco neighborhoods with confidence. Possibly I swaggered for a few weeks. I probably projected the attitude of “Yeah, I’m bad…give me your best shot”.
Fortunately no one ever put it to the test…
My point is that knowledge is power. Feel it, let it loose. You will find yourself to actually BE more capable.
That was proven after the podcast was over. Somehow I became engrossed in both the podcast subject matter and with painting in the way I am capable of but sometimes mess up.
See, I know how to do the technique that results in what I envisioned. I have done it before. Many times. Many other times though I’ve gotten too intense, and lost my edge. I can over think, over do the details. I forget to let my hand go with the flow, fearing failure. Am I good enough? Am I doing it right? Will anyone like it? But this time knowledge took over and I automatically did what I know how to do. Powerful stuff, knowledge coupled with practice.
The same thing can happen with sexual encounters, and particularly with women in the over 50 group. Many have become newly single, venturing into dating after being out of market for many years, trying to find their comfort zone. Just the social interaction can be daunting. On top of all that there might be fear about getting naked with a body that shows it’s years. Skin might be wrinkled, sagging, and showing stretch marks. Maybe there are a few extra pounds resulting in rounded bellies or flabby waistlines. There may be scars. And so on.
Some women have never even experienced a satisfying sexual encounter and wonder what is expected in this new venture? What to do?
The brain is the most important sexual organ. Walker and Sandy reminded me of that. If you can address the roadblocks in your brain you will have a real edge. A few basics to help with that:
1. Men over 50 have bodies that show their years too, and if the two of you already have a mutually respectful relationship, are not going to be critical of how you appear naked. Some will likely be a bit nervous about their own appearance as well. They will just be happy to have you naked – period. Men get turned on by naked women just because they are naked.
2. Learn to know and love your own body before any such ventures. Find out what feels good to you, and what turns you on. That is where self-pleasure comes in. You will become empowered by the knowledge. You will gain confidence from all the “practice”. Your partner will be appreciative when you guide him. Your enjoyment will be contagious – he will have more fun too.
Controlling or not controlling the brain can be so difficult at times…
There is so much power and knowledge stored inside the brain that we need to grant it the freedom to come out and play without monitoring at times. Gain your experience and knowledge, and give it freedom.
Yesterday I went into automatic and the results worked well for my painting.
I’ve experienced the same thing with lovemaking. Have you? Once you’re empowered by learning how to please yourself, free your mind and allow it to do what it knows how to do. Don’t stress, don’t over think; just enjoy. I promise you will be able to achieve better results than you ever imagined. And if you have a partner, you can share the joy.
Hah! This is beginning to sound like an infommercial for self pleasuring Oh well, not such a bad thing to be sold on.