There is a shift in the Universe that I am feeling the effects of.
Perhaps it is due to feeling the beginnings of Fall, with the crisp air and the promise of transition into the holidays. Fall signals relief to me always. I don’t care for hot muggy days, which is usually what I experience during the summer. My attitude about it is better if I am close to water – and I mean within shot of it’s smell and sound and offshore breezes.
Perhaps it is also connected to my youngest grandson having his first birthday today. I was here when he was born and began living in the same house with him when he was only 6 weeks old. It feels as if the year has gone by too quickly. Since when have I asked time to slow down?
I’ve been able to resume painting in my studio because – with the exception of yesterday and today’s weird summer-like heat and humidity – the days are finally cooler. I am able to spend hours painting with all my stuff in its place and at the ready. No more painting in cooler rooms upstairs with temporary setups. Back to the larger canvasses – my comfort zone.
I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the scarcity of Mr. Potentials for me on Match.com. Originally I figured I’d be able to pick and choose from a large number of men, all clamoring for my attention. That is not the case. So I am rethinking my must-haves and deal breakers and all that. Of course I continue being friendly to all I encounter, not knowing who might lead to my finding Mr. Potential.
I’ve read some beautifully written blog posts in the past few weeks – some so funny, others so heartfelt, that I feel a bit inadequate. I wonder why I am here.
Times similar to this have occurred in the past and I’ve learned to recognize when a change of some sort is closing in. Closing as in the coming to full circle – and this time I feel something wondrous is awaiting. That makes me a bit nervous but also a bit giddy with anticipation. In the past I’ve not felt such anticipation; it was more like trepidation.
I’ll share a few of the things I hope are awaiting me. They are what I’ve been working toward:
1. I will feel success as an artist
2. I will find the one man I will recognize as my destiny, and he will recognize the same in me
The artist part is the easiest as I can feel progress in that direction already. I haven’t had the funds for various workshops or lessons that I’d like to participate in, but am still learning a whole lot almost on a daily basis. I am honing my skills and finding my particular niche. Next up I hope to find my way into selling what I create. All it takes is daily sweat and effort. I can do that. I AM doing that. A recent small painting actually sold! Yay!
The finding of Mr. Possibility is not as easy to monitor or get a grip on. I’ve tightened up my parameters, then loosened them. I still need more photos, but somehow never manage to get new ones taken. If it were in my budget I’d hire a professional photographer…
Each day I carefully review the matches sent to me by Match.com, trying to read between the lines in order to find something to connect with – to mention in a brief note of reaching out. Maybe one in ten bother to respond back, and how would I know if they are just rude or if they are not paying for the ability to read and respond to messages? Very discouraging.
I’ve tweaked the “About Me” on my profile until I am sick of reading my words. Finally, I decided to seek a professional to help my profile be the best possible presentation of the real me. I contacted Walker Thornton, http://www.thedivaofdating.com/
She is also found on http://walkerthornton.com/
Walker is a freelance writer and blogger who openly discusses dating and sex and shares valuable insight to many other topics. Walker took my case and in quick fashion made some great – gently stated – suggestions and comments to improve my written profile. As she pointed out, it is difficult to maintain an objective overview of such a personal thing as your own online dating profile. So about one and a half weeks ago I made the changes – they were not major but I could see how they improved what I’d written.
Since then I had two different men I’d contacted weeks before actually contact me. I don’t know if the changes prompted their emails or not, but at least I had responses. Sadly for me, both responded to tell me they wished me well but had already found another woman they were interested in. So I am again in holding pattern.
A month or so ago I began corresponding with another creative man who lives more than an hour away from me. We clicked early on and did have a phone call. I felt such a connection that I temporarily forgot the difficulty in trying to build a meaningful relationship when too many miles are between us. We tentatively made arrangements to meet, and then I began fretting over the distance. Realizing such things will find a way to work out if both parties are willing, I still thought it might be prudent to tell him about my blog here. It seemed a good way for him to gain more knowledge of what I am really like and all that good stuff. I sent him the link. Then I got nervous. I was allowing him access to the real me: the real jule.
Well, he read and he still was interested. I was surprised, but felt good that my bravery had a positive result.
Then, he got cold feet due to the distance. He emailed me, stating both of us are very involved in our daily lives, so getting together would of course be interference and it just did not seem like a great idea. Oh gee.
I actually understood his position. I was sad, but better to know before anything further develops, instead of later on, right? So I replied back thanking him, basically agreeing but also stating I still hoped to meet him someday and see his artistic creations in person, etc etc. If I lived in the same small town he is in I know we’d be friends, at the least. I like him.
He replied back, stating he would still like to meet with me, too. Change of heart.
We had a failed attempt last week, due to traffic as he was leaving Boston and returning home. I live along the pathway to his home South of my location. We texted and later emailed some more.
Now, we plan to meet for coffee this afternoon.
What do I think will come of this? Actually, I don’t have a clue. I just want to meet him face-to-face.
I’ll fill you in.
My feelings are that I should do whatever feels like progress toward attaining the goals I am focused on. Each small step can be a step in the right direction, or can lead to yet another step. I am still learning – yes. Learning how to follow my gut and not be foolish. But a bit of foolishness can sometimes be a good thing.
See? I don’t know what to think about this day. But meanwhile, I’m gonna milk it for all it’s worth – and then some.