Buh-Bye Match dot com

Yep, it feels like I have at long last found the right man for me.

And lucky me: HE feels he found the right woman for him – that would be me.

Success in finding “the one” means – among many things – saying farewell to online dating sites and removing my profile.

We both realized what had just happened soon after meeting each other in person. I think he did so more quickly than I did but deep inside I knew; I was just hesitant to admit the obvious. We recognized in each other the person we were hoping to find. After our second meeting, which was a dinner date, we each stated we would discontinue our Match.com memberships.

Buh-bye Match.com!

Thanks for the memories…

I left for a two week visit with family in another state just two days after that first dinner date. The timing seemed like a rude interruption to exploring our newly discovered relationship. We dealt with it by sending emails several times each day. He stated upfront that he preferred face to face communication over emails and that he was not comfortable with the idea of talking much by phone. He agreed to go with my preference for emails at first, which turned out to be a great way to learn more about each other. It was how we kept up the contact across the miles. He is not one to open up very much during a phone call, and it became apparent right away that we wanted to stay in close touch, so we benefitted in the long run. We learned much about each other in all those emails.

Upon my return home he picked me up at the airport and drove me home. No date, per se. Just time together in his car. A few days later we spent about 8 hours together. And so the rest of the story is unfolding.

My blog post of June 19, 2013 was a previous interview with The Daily Report: http://wp.me/p3yLoX-bI.

That interview covered my reasons for jumping into online dating as well as blogging about it.

Following is our recent interview discussing the end of my searching for love on Match.com.

seniors in love

Interview between The Daily Report (TDR) with The Real Jule (TRJ):

TDR: How did you first discover each other on Match?

TRJ: After I expanded my search parameters I came across his profile. It felt like I’d seen all the members living closer to me who matched my basic criteria. He lives about 45 minutes away. What he stated in his profile made me think of him as a possible match, but I still felt it was a gamble. I emailed him, commenting on his “death by chocolate” words. He emailed back, and I detected there were many layers of interest in him. I wanted to know more.

TDR: So he provided just enough in his profile to make you want to know more – and when he read your profile decided to reply back… did he mention what it was in your profile that interested him? The words stated or not stated in a profile are said to have as much, or more, impact than just the photos.

TRJ: He said he liked my appearance and then liked what he read within the profile. He got a good idea of what I am about. I have to credit Walker J. Thornton (http://walkerthornton.com/) with helping me refine my words. She looked at what I’d written and made a few suggestions that tightened up my presentation. Her suggestions were spot on in – she helped me say what I meant more coherently. It is so difficult to do that with objectivity when the subject is yourself! Walker is a freelancer who writes a variety of articles and is known by some people as the Diva of Dating (http://www.thedivaofdating.com/). If you want an effective online profile (or article) contact Walker J. Thornton.

TDR: So what are you discovering about yourself as a senior who is venturing into a new relationship? Does it feel much different than when you were younger?

TRJ: I noticed right away that the physical chemistry is still in good working order – to be recognized and enjoyed. Such a good thing, right? I also noticed that bit of nervousness when I contemplated taking things to the next step. My skin is not as firm as even a few years ago, and I don’t think I am as limber as I’d like to be. I briefly described my “feel the fear and do it anyway” approach in an email to Joan Price, the woman behind a great book, “Naked at Our Age”. I told her about jumping in anyway, and experiencing the most wondrous, fulfilling and longest lasting romantic “interlude” in an email to her. I explained how I gave myself a mini pep talk around the fact that we both are aging and how we both playfully laughed at our current states of being. Both women and men may have initial concerns about their naked appearance, so acceptance is the only viable choice I see. And you know what? Nothing about our aging bodies mattered one bit. What did matter, and what put me in a solid state of euphoria, was the luxury of time being spent focussing on each other. We connected on many levels.

Intimacy now feels different. It is not all about getting it over with; it is about enjoying each and every moment. I waited most of my life to feel so treasured and appreciated. Money cannot buy that. Parents and teachers don’t teach that to young people. Sadly. I guess it comes with maturity? Don’t know – just glad to have it now.

TDR: So are you saying sexual attraction and intimacy are better with age?

TRJ: Yes, in my case at least, that is how it feels. I never expected to feel that way though. If I could tell my 20-something self anything, it would be to slow down and savor each and every experience. That applies to everything we do, of course, but my most recent “ah-hah moment” was concerned with romance. Romance that rings more than a few bells.

TDR: Do you have concern about having your heart broken?

TRJ: Well, I know it can happen, but no, I don’t carry any concern around with me. I already decided to go forth and make the most of my life. Part of taking on the adventure of romance opens up the possibility of being hurt, yes. But maintaining the status quo, not taking any chances, just settling for what life throws at you – that eliminates so much of what makes life worth living. I don’t want to look back in my final days and say “I wish I woulda…”. I want to go out with my feet doing the virtual happy dance, yelling HOORAY, remembering the adventure of a life lived as fully as I could manage.

TDR: Does he know you blog about him?

TRJ: Oh yes. Reading my blog in the beginning of our getting to know each other gave him great insight into what I think – the type of person I am. He got to more about me initially than I did of him, due to my blogging. He has no problem being a topic I elaborate on.

If he’d had an issue with my blogging at all, it may have presented a roadblock before we really got too far. I don’t reveal personal details, so if he’d objected it may have been perceived by me as an attempt to control what I do. Now THAT would have been an issue with ME! I already endured many years of being controlled, and will never go back to that again.

TDR: It sounds like you are pretty happy with your new guy… what is the most surprising element in this new relationship?

TRJ: I am more than happy – I am beyond pleasantly surprised. I am definitely feeling the afterglow. Did not realize it could or would last more than a few hours!

I find myself wondering how I lived so many years without ever experiencing such an all-inclusive intimacy. For the first time ever I don’t feel the need to stifle myself or monitor anything I feel or say. I am, for the first time in my life, feeling understood and appreciated despite any faults or quirks. That is something I read about in books, saw in movies, but began losing hope of ever experiencing for myself.

The other pleasant surprise is that I never before really appreciated or enjoyed kissing. Oh yes, I kissed and was kissed. But it never felt like anything worth shouting about or repeating. Never. So again, I always wondered about what I was apparently missing out on. I no longer need to wonder. Now I know! Glad I found it, or “it” found me!

TDR: What is next for you and your guy? Where do you feel things are heading?

TRJ: It feels to me as if the Universe has opened a new portal dedicated just to us – me and my guy. I want to explore it and see what happens. And after not posting anything for quite a while now, I think I am ready to jump back in and share what I’m learning, feeling and experiencing. I was simply feeling speechless, not knowing where to begin! Stay tuned now, though!

Note to reader: The Daily Report (TDR) is a figment of my imagination. I “interviewed” myself.

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11 thoughts on “Buh-Bye Match dot com

  1. Nice! I’m sure that many people will be not only happy for you but glad to hear that there may still be hope for them, as well!

  2. Jumping up and down with delight for you…and for him. I’m honored to be given credit for your success… I only helped you tweak your words–something that is often easier for an ‘outsider’. Thank you.. And, thank you for sharing your story as it will give others hope.

    • Walker, you are a real asset in so many ways. I hope people reach out to you for your expert help.
      And, it would indeed be great if those needing encouragement will be prompted to keep on tryin’ by reading about my own experience. I was on a mission, and gave it my best shot. Now, I feel like I won the lottery.

  3. I’m Julie’s “him” and thought I’d share my side of the story. I had been on match com 15 years ago. Met and married a wonderful woman and we lived happily everafter until she got cancer and died.

    Having been successful on match com, I thought I’d try again. Halloween was slow this years, so I constructed my profile between trick-or-treaters, and got a poor photo from my webcam. Registered with match com and checked out some profiles. Julie was outside my distance setting, so didn’t see her. My profile was fairly short. I intended it to evoke questions to start a dialogue or weed out many.

    Julie emailed me the next day. I viewed her profile. The picture is at the top, and I thought her very attractive. Then I read the profile. Almost every sentence was that’s the way I feel too, that’s what I do too, that’s what I want too, I like that too… It almost felt like she had read my mind.

    But there are a few really important things that you don’t put in a profile, and there were a couple of what do you mean by … But she was too good to let get away without trying.

    So we corresponded a bit. Shortly after we started, Julie pointed me to her blog. It contains lots of great information about her, perhaps more than she realizes, and it had major hints at the two big issues that are not in profiles – sex and finance. Again, everything was more than positive.

    We emailed a lot. While I was champing at the bit to meet, in hindsight I think the emailing allowed me (us?) to be more logical about our wants and needs for a relationship.

    We ultimately met for coffee, and I too “felt no let-down”. The walk afterwards was surprising in that she walked my speed (fast). Everything was clicking. We had dinner a few days later, just before she was leaving town for two weeks. After dinner we kissed in the freezing parking lot like teenagers for a half hour.

    While she was gone we emailed a lot more, again it was frustrating physically, but satisfying intellectually.

    Every time we are together we discover things we like/feel/do/want alike. We even like the same type of paper towels. The little things keep piling up.

    Now we are together several times a week and working toward a permanent relationship.

  4. Julie, I am sooo happy for you! You do so deserve happiness and a healthy, loving, satisfying relationship! Many things you wrote are so similar to things which are important to me, what I have been seeking and wish for! It DOES give me a new-found hope! So your past men must have kissed similar to the men I have dated lately, Lol! You are so beautiful in so many ways, and I am thankful for you to find one who can see that, and appreciate that, and make you really feel as incredible as you are! My best wishes and prayers for it to only get better! We need pictures! Love Ya!

    • Thank you for the kind words. And it really seems kissing has become a lost art for the segment of male population I have been in relationships with. I had no clue as to what I’d been missing.

  5. Well Mr. Bitwise42, you’ve got a “jewel” in Julie, As her friend I always want the best for her and it seems she has found it!! Take good care of my dearest friend and yourself on this incredible new life journey!!

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