Do You Still Have Sex, Mom?

My oldest son asked, “Mom, at 67, do you still have sex?”

I was on the phone filling him in about my new love when he blurted out his question.

He continued, “because Miley Cyrus says people over the age of 40 do not have sex.”

After a brief moment of my mouth hanging open I stifled the urge to laugh.

“Well, Miley Cyrus has a lot to learn” I responded.

“The answer to your question is yes. And, you might be surprised to hear that we both feel capable of teaching younger people a thing or two about how to go about it properly”.

“Really?”, he asked. He was laughing now. “Is that so?”.

I assured him that was so. Toward my defense I then cited a few health benefits to having an active sex life – alone or with a partner. Vaginal Health, additional pain relief for arthritis (and other pain issues) and cardiovascular health were the ones I felt he would easily relate to.

Walker Thornton summed it up nicely on BA50.  “…What’s important is that you be intentional about seeking out some kind of sexual pleasure in your life. Your brain and your ‘lady parts’ will thank you.”

Click here to read her entire article. *

Retired seniors are more likely to have the luxury of time for more leisurely lovemaking. Being older means we might know more about what works, how it works and have the confidence or freedom to simply enjoy ourselves. If you feel you have more learnin’ to do, you have the time to explore. I never spent so much time in lovemaking when I was younger. Heck, I did not HAVE the time to make leisurely love while raising a family, working at a job and caring for large households. I was exhausted most of the time and had too much on my mind to focus properly on my partner, much less my own needs. Sadly, my priorities did not include having sex.

But boy, the times have changed. It is never too late to make up for previous oversights.

I avoided including any reference to sexual activity in my online profile. It was important but I did not want to invite blatant sexual overtures from strangers who might peruse my profile. Finding a man with whom I could relate, with whom I shared many traits, likes, dislikes, etc., seemed like the first step. Being comfortable enough to venture into the topic of sexual intimacy would necessarily take a bit of time.

“Hello, nice to finally meet you in person! Tell me, is an active sex life important to you?” Awkward.

Honestly, I had no plan of how such a topic might be opened. So when I began emailing with Mr. Potential, I simply went with what felt appropriate, email by email. And he, thinking along the same lines as it turned out, was waiting to feel me out just as I was doing with him. We eventually had an email thread in which we noted several things that made us feel we might be a good match for one another. Somewhere in there he mentioned that sexual intimacy was important to him. Bless him. I shot back a reply that it was to me, too.

By then too much time had gone by without meeting. That was due to factors out of our control, but we impatiently determined to get that first meeting over and done. Meeting face-to-face would confirm whether physical chemistry existed between us. We knew we already liked each other. We felt compatible in many important areas. I so badly wanted to know there was more to “us” than just email compatibility.

And yes, I knew as soon as I saw him approaching me for the first time that I’d found my man.

Things just continued getting better.

We had a second date that took my breath away. We connected on so many levels that I was almost doubtful this was really happening. That second date ended with our first kiss, which led to more kissing, and a mutual belief that we were going to be just fine.

After a few more dates we finally got around to making love. S-l-o-w-l-y. We spent hours enjoying each other. And we grinned like goofy kids who’d been given free access to the candy store.

A condition we dubbed “Permaglow” took hold, and after weeks and weeks of being together that aura of Permaglow is still surrounding us. I know: Teenage goofy about being in love.

My love listed a brief description of the Permaglow effects in a romantic email to me:

* Life’s irritations seem less irritating

* The world looks and feels different, as if from a lofty and more beautiful view

* Problems don’t seem to loom so large

* Good things seem better

* Food tastes more flavorful

* Touch is enhanced

So, back to my son. Toward the end of our phone conversation I commented to this sometimes outrageous offspring that his question might not be what most sons would feel free to ask their mom. He acknowledged the truth of that, countering that he and I have always been able to talk about most everything. He is correct, and I am grateful for our ease in communicating with one another. Not wanting to shake things up, I decided to wait for another time to discuss my preferences in sex toys.

If I fall off the planet anytime soon I know the cat will be out of the bag anyway. My personal items will be sorted through and my stash of toys will no longer be a secret. I hope to be lurking around in spirit so I can see the faces of my surviving family. I expect at least 2 of my 3 sons will be red-faced and speechless. All I can say is, “they have a lot to learn – and I hope they learn it sooner than later”.

And for those of you hesitant to venture into dating or even into solo self-pleasuring, I urge you to heed the advice from Walker Thornton – be good to your body and your sense of well-being. It is your right to be a sexual being. Explore it and embrace it. Nothing ventured – nothing gained, right?

* Here is the full link to Walker’s article:

22 thoughts on “Do You Still Have Sex, Mom?

  1. Julie, my 86 yr old father’s 84 yr old girlfriend moved in with him a month ago, so you have many great years ahead of you.I know they are having sex, but I haven’t asked about preference in sex toys.

  2. Well! I’m honored to be mentioned and thrilled to hear you say what many of us also hold to be true–how fabulous sex is at our any older age, really. I had one relationship where we would spend hours in bed, it was fabulous. Sensuous, intimate and just divine! Thank you for sharing, for including me and for being bold!
    As for the sex toys! Ha ha…. they’ll get over it, or not and you’ll be gone!

  3. Yes, who woulda guessed the leisurely episodes could be so effortlessly easy as well as purely enjoyable?
    As the boys possibly seeing more of “the real me” (aka sex toys), well, I won’t be totally gone. I plan to haunt all three of them. It’s the least a loving mother can do.

  4. Loved this as (1) the mother of three sons (2) a woman who still enjoys sex (I’m 51 he’s 61 and we’ve been together 21 years). I also have a son who is likely to blurt out questions such as these although since I claimed my space as a Sex Goddess ( self proclaimed and loving it) a couple of years back they don’t bat an eye about much that mum gets up to LOL

    • Fun, Caitlin. My other two sons just do that 3-monkey thing, like hands over eyes, over ears, and over mouth. They don’t want to read about it or hear about it or even hear reference to “mom having sex”. Like I said, I do hope they see the light one of these days. They just don’t know what they’re missing and I regret that on their behalf.

  5. Congratulations! This post is great and such a good reminder that some things are GREAT (and actually better!) as we age! That’s why I just wrote a post on my own site about “TEN awesome benefits of getting older!” Now I’m thinking I should have made it 11 ! Thanks for the good news.

    • Glad you enjoyed it, Kathy. Yep, lots of benefits to itemize, and it never hurts to add to the list(s).
      Sometime in the past few years I even decided it was cool when young folk held doors open to me, or called me M’am. It feels like I earned it, after all, so no need to get uptight about it, right?

  6. The first time Julie and I made love, neither of us knew what to expect. ( I think we both had some ideas based on our kissing in the parking lot though. ) After a few minutes or more of kissing, Julie softly said “slowly.” I smiled and agreed, but I was thinking “of course, that’s what I already had
    ‘planned'”. After several hours Julie was melted into the pillows with a very satisfied looking smile. I jokingly asked if it was slow enough. I think her only reply was a bigger smile and a little nod. ( She hasn’t said slowly since, or needed to :-) )

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